B&A: Harsh Criticism?

The first paragraph is okay. The second not so much. When you said it wasn't because she is ugly that people didn't like her, you then proceeded to tell how beautiful she is. You set the mood in the first paragraph that she really hates her life for some reason and then you went off topic to tell about her hair and eyes. Skip that second paragraph and go to the third where she tells the other reasons, the real ones.